concerned citizen self-flagellating superdeadgayalien

i’m shaving my head again for 200 bucks tomorrow at 5:25 
least i get money for it 
i’m also shaving my pussy and asshole 
it is not a blow to my morale 
it gets me one step closer
to not having to ever blow a thing again

i’m shaving my head again for 200 bucks tomorrow at 5:25 

least i get money for it 

i’m also shaving my pussy and asshole 

it is not a blow to my morale 

it gets me one step closer

to not having to ever blow a thing again

turn around 

every now and then i get a lil bit lonely and i catch the sun just right in my eye 

TURN A-ROUND, BRIGHT EYES 

and then i gracefully leap into someone’s arms at the climactic I really need you TONIGHT 

so if you want I will be reciting poetry and taking off my clothes and putting things into various hairy, bloody orifices for money on camera tonight 

and if you’re into that kind of voyeur shit message me i’ll give you the link 

a guy sent me a w(h)ack story, one that met me on a cam site 

you know why i’d like to be looked at as a man 

my fucking thesis in the works 

my stutter is becoming more pronounced and i’ve never been more enthused about the idea of public speaking 

this is the miracle of close self-examination

(it’s rumination, stagnation, and depression) 

in a hopeful way think it’ll get fixed with the ‘later-ons’ 

the ones who will have a real natural resource crisis

and have to contend with a poisonous, sweaty planet

i made 700 bucks last night and i woke up with tears in my eyes and my body smelled of the blood it spilled to nourish a baby who is absent from my womb

i could make soap with all the animal remains that litter the land 

that soap might be rancid so,

glycerin could be used for other things 

sometimes after i’ve taken pills i think damn i hate taking pills 

and i put my middle finger down my throat and beckon 

coaxing by curling 

pure search for nothing and rejection 

pills that don’t make me feel real and certainly don’t help me heal 

nailing a black horse on a white cross and never figuring how will and pill coincide 

or why i’d need anything to feel alright 

they get you tired or they keep you up, dry your mouth and diminish your will to fuck 

it is no small miracle but too bad every day ends in ‘y’ 

i have a wedgie so high you’d wonder if i like myself

my head is starting to nod in agreement to something i am not awake enough to even remember thinking 

there are bugs attracted to the lulling light of this screen of entertainment- some schmucks looks at screens upwards of four hours a day 

there is an animal screaming in pain and i hear coyotes yapping and yipping 

above me there is a bright blue planet, looks like neptune or maybe venus but i don’t really know 

it looks so healthy compared to this red planet on the eastern horizon, flickering feebly as the dead (or dying) light rays and particles reach my crossed eyes

i need to go to sleep 

i went to an informal bible study tonight

it was nice, we held hands at the end and prayed together 

i told them about the theological fact that jesus took psychotropic mushrooms in the garden of gethsemane and about how much i like jews and they still didn’t kick my ass or tell me to stop eating their food 

thought of a good slogan, shared it with the believers who were all v nice people, here it is: god doesn’t kink shame 

seeing it now, it lacks the profundity i thought it had 

apparently, god is not ashamed of me 

the god i know through the love of christ 

god makes me cry 

why does god do that 

once i met a nice jewish man and fell in love with the idea of him

he fucked me up but he uh helped me in an unyielding, unloving, uh whatever harsh, i guess, way

but it’s always easier to blame someone else you know

i don’t know if i just have to die or responsibly use hallucinogenic drugs in large quantities  

i wish i could see the face of god 

it isn’t that one chick from the neverending story, the one who needed a new name (hmm) (communism) (a rose by any other name smells like ____)

but damn she had a beautiful face 

my classes start soon 

i wish i had an eating disorder and understood where i’m supposed to be with god 

or how god wants to be with me 

i think it might just be talking to yourself 

but i guess one day we’ll see 

pitures 

i went to soemthign calldd electric koolaid acid kat fest and the lord said it was good 

i missed 2 other things live-music related and the lord said i strike thee with ringworm 

i saw this caterpillar while i was biking on the highway near the part of the shoulder where hard turns to mushy headed directly for traffic 

i stop to inspect and intervene, toss it deeper into the woods probably i don’t know i was kind of fucked up riding my bike home to go to bed i’m glad i made it, thank goodness for small favors

under my fingertips, the pleasantly squishy body tenses up with my touch,stiffening like a cock with a miracle fast shortcut to erection-ville 

the caterpillar grips the gravel studded pavement and even fights back when i remove my gently squeezing fingers from this stroking, caressing activity by waving around like it just doesn’t care 

i continue to stroke the firm wirm as it lay still at my hand, and i take a few pictures 

a boy of no more than sixteen with a large scab on his chin and vicious scratches on his face california stops slowly on a sunny, deserted highway and asks if i’m alright 

i share the bona annuntiatio of this horned green caterpillar with the earthling nearly-man and as he drives off there is a person behind him who’s honking in anger

i mount my bike and fuck with this caterpillar no more 

i swear to god, caterpillar